Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
