Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"