No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.