Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.