i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
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You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
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What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity