Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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