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What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
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