He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I need moral support for this bender
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
