A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
