She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
