hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
