The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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