I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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