I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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