so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
operation have a gay friend backfired
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
