Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
