We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I love you. Go after that dick
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
