Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
