Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
