My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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