I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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