I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
