Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
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Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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