so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
