I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
