Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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