We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
