We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
