i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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