it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
