Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
