Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
