i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
be right there i have to get my cape
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
