alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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