Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When are your genitals available?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
