So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
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I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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