Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
