haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
