It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
