how can u be prego again
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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