Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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