The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I came so hard my ears popped.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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