ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
