Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
