its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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