They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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