its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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