She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
