We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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