My room smells like vodka and shame
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
