Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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