So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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