Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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