can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
