I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
