Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
