It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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