felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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