my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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