I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
