you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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