if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
