What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
too bad you live with your parents still
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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