Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
