I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
