Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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